Feb 15, 2008, 2:47 am
Mood: defeated
...on a relationship
It's been something that has bothered me for a while now. Nothing has ever reallee gotten me so frustrated? I can't quite describe it as frustrated it feels more like "not at peace" lol. Perhaps months/years from now I'll look back and be like, that wasn't worth the grey hairs =p
So who is it I'm cheating on? Well its more like what.
I'm a graphic design major, however, I knew nothing about it until actually getting into the program. It's kind of funnee since, that fact I got into it was pure randomness and luck maybe? I was only thinking to get into Visual Arts.
But I love it. Graphic design, there's so much more to it than meets the eye. So much detail, everything thought out to from corner to corner. The tedious act of adjusting the spacing between letters (kearning, I mean who'd notice it reallee common D:), but there's so much perfection involved; it's a full package, and I love packaging.
Despite this love...everytime it comes down to doing the homework...my mind wanders off to anime/drawing. I see all these people on DA achieving so much...and so off I go...cheating.
I've wondered to myself recently, and with much regret...
I don't know why, but I do know that with work and school it's hard for me to commit to both loves. Design has showed me so much, and If I commit myself to it, I know it'd take care of me in the future.
Animation/manga, was a past love that I keep returning to...in Canada can I reallee make it anything more than a hobby to be celebrated at conventions? Yet still, I haven't let go. It's either one or the other...or I'd be selfish.
I don't see why you can't do both?
You may be thinking that too.
Well, yeah I'm trying to do that now, it's hard though. With any arts related program, the workload is heavy and its not just about getting it done, its about getting it done well. My friends are always commenting on how I spend most of my time "overachieving". I don't feel like I am though, I'm just trying to keep up with everyone else.
For example, this week was my reading week. I've spent the whole week doing hobby related things at home... and no homework whatsoever. I'm always kidding around with my classmates...
"damn you guys you're always done days before the project is due" But inside I know it's cause I was trying to balance something else into the schedule.
I don't reallee know what to do...maybe the solution is actually very simple and its something along the lines of me not willing to accept a solution or...I'm just not working hard enough to be fair to both relationships.
I do know for sure that I'm not willing to let either go...haha.
If this situation was with real guys, I'd feel sorree for the guys ;p
(damn that girl is so indecisive!!!)
If you actually read through all this...thank you! It means a lot to me. I post journals on DA, but people don't reallee respond lol...
Happee B-lated Valentines Day :D
I made chocolates...and burnt some?? Lol its kinda tasting like coffee flavoured chocolates or something *shares*